THOUGHTS & FEELINGS

ME & MICHAEL NEILL TALKING ABOUT THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS

The Secret of Emotional Wellbeing.

Every emotion you experience is a direct response to a thought, not to the world around you.

Many people really struggle with that statement. What came up for you when you read it?

The more clearly you see that your emotions are always reactions to your thoughts, not to the world, the easier it is to simply feel them and let them go.  And the gift of that insight is that you stop needing to change the world in order to change the way you feel.

There’s No Such Thing as a “Bad Day”

At our best we all handle life remarkably well. We know what to do and tend to do it when it needs to be done.  We follow our common sense and our wisdom and just naturally make the best decisions we can based on the information we have.  But unfortunately we don’t always live life at our best.  In fact, for many people the times spent in the comfort and care of their own wisdom and well-being seem far too few and far between.

What begins to give you control of this process, turning you from an apparent victim of circumstances back into the creator that you truly are?

Here’s a corollary to the secret of emotional well-being.

Your day doesn’t create your mood; your mood creates your day.

When your mood is low, the world looks bleak; when your mood is high you feel as if you can take over the world. The difference is as always, not in the world, but inside you.  And a deeper understanding of how it’s being created will give you a whole lot more options about what to do about it.

I am sure you have all been told, or told yourself, especially when life seems to be dealing you one blow after another, “just think positive.”  And since your emotions are a direct response to your thoughts logic suggests that the only thing that will change them is to change your thoughts.

So why not just think positive thoughts all day long, carefully weeding out all the negative thoughts until your garden of positivity is lush and you can live happily every after?

When we try too hard to monitor the activity inside our heads it all goes swimmingly until one thought gets by and then everything goes to hell.

I’m going to be late, I just know I’m going to be late, I shouldn’t have eaten that extra piece of cake last night, I’m such a fat disgusting slob, no wonder no will ever find me attractive, why is this always the way?  If only I had more willpower, I’m definitely going on that diet tomorrow, but what’s the point, I never stick to anything, I’m such a loser… I need more cake! boy, he’s gorgeous I wonder what it would be like to be with someone like that, I bet it would be wonderful, I have so much love inside me – it feels really good, but no one will ever know because I’m all alone, what was the name of that song I heard on the radio last night, oh no, I’m going to be late…..

Yet our thoughts are simply internal conversations and mental movies that have no power to impact our lives until we charge them up by deciding they are important and real.  And if we ’empower’ the wrong thoughts, making our negative fantasies seem more realistic than our external reality, it’s like boarding a train to a destination we have no desire to actually reach.  That’s why the important thing to realise about your thinking, particularly your ‘unhappy’ thinking, is this:

It’s almost never the 1st thought that hurts – it’s the 5th, or 50th, or even 500th that inevitably comes when you follow a negative train of thought on its rambling journey to destinations unknown.

So which thoughts should we engage in and which ones should we let go?

The answer lies not in our thoughts but in our feelings.
When you’re feeling good, happy, loving, comfortable, easy, that means that your thinking is healthy and will probably take you in positive directions.  When you’re feeling bad, angry, frustrated, stressed-out, uncomfortable, chances are that your thinking is unproductive.  This gives us a remarkably reliable way of navigating through to our own wisdom.   You can actually use your feelings as a sort of early warning system.

Now I am sure I am not telling you anything here that you are not already aware of here, some days from the moment we wake up and it just seems like the whole day is going to shit, the problem is that most of us are not aware that we can choose not to act on our thinking when we are feeling low.

I remember some pretty tough times in my life when I would wake up feeling really flat and within an hour of getting up it seemed like everything in my life was just plain wrong. The car wouldn’t start and I would be late for work, another bill would arrive in the mail, the dress I was going to wear to work was too tight and so on.

Then I made the decision to change this and I would physically take myself back to bed for about 10 minutes, get up again, get dressed having made the decision that my day was going to be great.  Once I had that down pat I got to the point where my awareness of my thoughts kicked in from the minute I opened my eyes and if they weren’t taking me to a great place I started to turn them around and instantly my day changed.  Now, I not saying that everything throughout the day was rosy, it is just that the things that were ‘not so great’ didn’t have the same emotional sting and my thinking became much more solution focused rather than problem focused.

Thoughtspotting!

During the day, if you notice yourself feeling down or a bit worried or unsettled, see if you can spot the thought behind the feeling.  As soon as you have spotted it, let it go.

Remember to take a moment to carefully examine your internal dialogue. You  do have the power to control your thoughts and your feelings, as with everything we want to get really good at, it takes practice.

Your thoughts, comments, personal story or suggestions are important to me.

With love and gratitude

Jenny xx

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About Jenny Smith

Jenny Smith has written 81 post in this blog.

Jenny is an absolute advocate and champion for women rediscovering themselves through the process of divorce.

She is the creator of the Divorced Women's Club www.divorcedwomensclub.com.au and Co-creator of Separation Made Easy www.separationmadeeasy.com. She delivers bespoke programs for women through her coaching services, writing, on-line programs and the Divorced Women's Club Members Lounge, a safe and private community for women to connect, share and support each other.

Jenny Smith

Jenny is an absolute advocate and champion for women rediscovering themselves through the process of divorce. She is the creator of the Divorced Women's Club www.divorcedwomensclub.com.au and Co-creator of Separation Made Easy www.separationmadeeasy.com. She delivers bespoke programs for women through her coaching services, writing, on-line programs and the Divorced Women's Club Members Lounge, a safe and private community for women to connect, share and support each other.