SCARED, AFRAID AND OUT OF CONTROL?

The end of a relationship can be downright scary.

The thoughts of starting all over again will have waves of emotion including fear washing all over you.

So much of your life is changing, what was once just your ‘normal’ life is no more.

For most people it is going through the motions, day by day, simply to get through the things that must to be done. And right there constantly with you are thoughts running through your mind that are making you feel afraid. Fear of the future, fear of the unknown, fear of being alone, fear of not know how you will get through this, fear of financial insecurity, fear of having to to it all on your own, fear that your children will be suffering, fear that you will never have that special someone in your life again, fear that you will grow old all alone, fear that you are not loveable, and so it goes.

So many women go into overwhelm at this time, I’ve been there too!  The thoughts begin to spiral out of control and take you deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole. When you are in the thick of it sometimes just going with it for a while helps, no resistance just letting it flow through you and over you until it’s time to start doing something different.

There is no time frame I can give to for how long it will take for you to get to the place where you are ready to take the next big step.  For women who work with a coach or a counsellor the time will certainly be much shorter, doing it on your own, relying on family and friends will take a whole lot longer and there is a chance you will take all your resentments and anger with you into the future.

If you have decided that you want to turn your life around as soon as possible a great place to start is by beginning to think about and keeping your eye on the bigger goal, the better days, and how you want things to be different starting today.

Focusing only on your future, on the time when everything is as it should be again, the time when you feel at peace again, knowing that you have come through this all in one piece, healthy and healed and happy. A new found sense of inner peace and living and loving life again, truly living this time around.

Make use of the power of visualisation to propel you forward.

Did you know that the mind doesn’t know the difference between what is real and what is imagined?

Did you know that our futures are created in our minds first?

Start right now thinking about how you want your life to be, and the more detail you can add the better.

When you focus on these things really get in touch with what this future feels likes, imagine in your minds eye what it looks like, really allow yourself to feel what it feels like, I want you to close your eyes as you do this and allow the sensations of having this new life to flow through your body, notice what you hear, the sounds around you, the peoples voices, perhaps your children laughing and playing.

Redesign your life just as you paint a picture of it exactly the way you want to.  Imagine the new people you have in your life, the fun you are having, and embrace a deep knowing within that you have never experienced before. This new awareness that you really do have the power to create your future and that it all starts in your imagination.  Put all of your desires ahead of your fears every step of the way, always keeping your eye on the bigger picture.

You will still have moments of fear, hey, you are human after all, this is normal.  With a new found awareness and consistently coming back with your focus on your future over time you will discover that as you  move past these fears you find the flip side of fear, courage.  Eventually you will see it as a faithful and trusted friend that can be relied upon to be your guide. Courage to continue on when things get tough and do whatever it takes to get your life back on track.

I love this little snippet I read about how Bruce Springsteen approaches his moments of fear before he goes on stage to perform.  (fear has many different faces) He was asked if he ever gets nervous and fearful before he goes on stage and he said no, “my palms get sweaty, perspiration runs down my face, my heart starts pounding and when that happens I know I am pumped.

“Simply by changing the meaning behind the fear, changes everything.”

Change is never painful, only resistance to change is painful. Buddha

 

Your thoughts, comments, personal story or suggestions are important to me.

With love and gratitude

Jenny xx

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About Jenny Smith

Jenny Smith has written 81 post in this blog.

Jenny is an absolute advocate and champion for women rediscovering themselves through the process of divorce.

She is the creator of the Divorced Women's Club www.divorcedwomensclub.com.au and Co-creator of Separation Made Easy www.separationmadeeasy.com. She delivers bespoke programs for women through her coaching services, writing, on-line programs and the Divorced Women's Club Members Lounge, a safe and private community for women to connect, share and support each other.

Jenny Smith

Jenny is an absolute advocate and champion for women rediscovering themselves through the process of divorce. She is the creator of the Divorced Women's Club www.divorcedwomensclub.com.au and Co-creator of Separation Made Easy www.separationmadeeasy.com. She delivers bespoke programs for women through her coaching services, writing, on-line programs and the Divorced Women's Club Members Lounge, a safe and private community for women to connect, share and support each other.