BREAKING FREE

BREAKING FREE

Many women who have been in an unhappy, unfulfilling or even an abusive relationship of some kind, find it really difficult to get out and get on with living a more fulfilling life.

For some it can take many years to get over the end of a relationship, lives put on hold as they hang on to the past and what might have been.

I understand that this can be a very individual and complex topic and I have no intention of digging deep into this in this blog but I do have some things I want to share with you.

If you still find yourself questioning the end of your relationship after a fairly long period of time you may be spending a fair amount of time beating yourself up with a whole lot of ‘what if’ questions.

You know the ones that go like this!

What if I had been more attentive, more attractive, more loving?

What if I was slimmer, smarter, sexier?

What if I made more effort in the bedroom?

And on and on the list goes in an ever-spiraling loop of negative self-talk and beating yourself up as you create anxiety, stress, guilt, remorse and for some, long periods of depression.

Any relationship ends for a number of reason and sometimes it’s just not about you!  If you have spent far too long living in the past and find yourself struggling to move forward and create a fabulous new life for yourself this may be helpful.

How do to break this cycle? 

I’m about to share with you a technique that has proved very powerful for many women to free themselves from their attachment to their partner and allowed them to begin creating a better life for themselves a whole lot faster.

This technique is called ‘The Threshold Technique’ created by NLP guru Richard Bandler.

Part of the power of this technique comes from the speed at which you run it.  It is important to take the time to read it through properly before you start.  If you have to stop to figure out the next step you will lose momentum.

Decide now whether you are ready for a radical change in your feelings and read it through carefully before you begin.

  1. Call to mind a picture of yourself with your ex when you were in love.  Look at it as though it was a photograph and notice how strongly it affects you now.  Then just imagine putting it to one side so you can check it again in a moment.
  2. Next call to mind four negative experiences with your ex-partner where you felt very definitely upset, or repulsed by them.  Perhaps you will think of times when they did something that really offended you or did something that you found hurtful.  Make a list of them so you can easily call them to mind.
  3. Now fully return to those four negative memories one at a time in detail as though you were inside each of them re-enacting the moment.  See the things you saw, hear the things you heard and feel completely the negative feelings you felt all over again like you are actually there.
  4. Go through the memories again and again, one after another, each time making the images a bit bigger, brighter and more colourful, so they become more and more intense.  Now go through them faster and faster, until the events are overlapping, until there is no break at all between all the worst parts happening over and over again.
  5. When you have generated a really strong negative feeling throughout your body, look at that picture of yourself when you were in love with your ex, and notice how differently you feel now.
  6. Finally imagine stepping out of all the memories and imagine all the pictures and feelings to do with you ex floating away from you and going off into the far distant past.

Many people only need to do this technique once to feel totally free of their attachment to their old relationship.  If you want to, you can do it again carefully and thoroughly in order to reinforce the effect.

I would love to know how your feelings have changed having done this exercise, what else you have noticed and perhaps think about some other people in your life where you might like to apply this same technique  🙂

Your thoughts, comments, personal story or suggestions are important to me.

With love and gratitude

Jenny xx

 

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About Jenny Smith

Jenny Smith has written 81 post in this blog.

Jenny is an absolute advocate and champion for women rediscovering themselves through the process of divorce.

She is the creator of the Divorced Women's Club www.divorcedwomensclub.com.au and Co-creator of Separation Made Easy www.separationmadeeasy.com. She delivers bespoke programs for women through her coaching services, writing, on-line programs and the Divorced Women's Club Members Lounge, a safe and private community for women to connect, share and support each other.

Jenny Smith

Jenny is an absolute advocate and champion for women rediscovering themselves through the process of divorce. She is the creator of the Divorced Women's Club www.divorcedwomensclub.com.au and Co-creator of Separation Made Easy www.separationmadeeasy.com. She delivers bespoke programs for women through her coaching services, writing, on-line programs and the Divorced Women's Club Members Lounge, a safe and private community for women to connect, share and support each other.