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You have just been told by your partner that he wants out! Or you have told him you want out!
Apart from everything else that will be going on for you right now, your mind will be racing with thoughts, questions and decisions.
Your emotions will be out of control.
Tears will be sitting delicately waiting for the right moment for you to let them fall uncontrollably.
And the first people you must have a conversation with are the people you love the most in the world.
This may include your kids, your parents, your siblings, your in-laws and your very close friends.
How to tell your children about divorce?
How do you handle these tough conversations?
Obviously it will be a very different conversation you have with your kids compared to everyone else and will depend on their age.
My belief is that divorce impacts our kids in a very big way no matter what age they are.
It is not better if they are older or better if they are little. It still sucks and it is still a life changing experience for them.
And they will not feel better because they ‘will just want you to be happy.’
I’m going to talk about how things could go in an ideal world.
Unfortunately few parents seem to be able to put their own differences to one side and think about what is in the best interests of their children.
Unfortunately we don’t live in an ideal world.
And if truth be told, this is so far from how things played out for me although at the time we were both doing the very best we could under the circumstances.
Nevertheless, here is my version of how this conversation could be handled in the best interests of everyone involved.
The first step is for both of you to sit down together and talk this through beforehand. To have a solid plan on how to move forward to help make this easier for yourselves and everyone else and provide some sense of certainty and security for your children. The more information you can share with them about where to from here the better. What your plans are and how you see things working out.
Allowing them the opportunity to tell you how they are feeling and really listening to what they have to say.
As the adults in this situation it is your responsibility to put your own differences to one side and do the very best you can to alleviate their fears and concerns.
For some of your relatives and friends their first thoughts will be about themselves. This news will throw them into a tailspin. They will be thinking about birthdays, social events, Christmas and so many other things. If they really like both partners they will have a sense, rightly or wrongly, that they have to choose who they will support and who they cut adrift. In many cases the one who gets cut adrift will be the one who has decided they want to end the relationship.
As hard as it may be for you, give them the time and space they need to come to terms with what is happening. Avoid engaging in conversations with them about what a bitch/bastard the other party is, or any other damaging conversations.
This does not serve anyone in the long run, doesn’t change the situation one little bit and will have you feeding on more negativity.
You have enough of that going on already.
Your thoughts, comments, personal story or suggestions are important to me.
With love and gratitude
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