BETRAYAL

Cheating, betrayal of a relationship and the betrayal of the promise of love. It was a promise made in the past that was a commitment to the future. A commitment that was made to another person, whether it be standing at the altar in a church, on the beach with family and friends or completely in private, from my perspective it makes no difference.

It is also a personal betrayal. Of values, self worth and self-respect. Many people who cheat on their wives, husbands or partners will find themselves doing things and acting in ways they would never have believed possible.

The word ‘cheating,’ will also mean different things to different people and much of this is where conflict in relationships arise. For some women, their husbands or boyfriends even admiring a beautiful woman will bring up feelings of insecurity and self-worth issues, however they often forget about what goes on when they are out with the girlfriends and eyeing off the good looking guys.

For some women, their partners having a special friend who they were previously in a relationship with and now reassure you that they are just friends, only to find out that they meet up occasionally, text each other regularly and it’s all done covertly. Finding out will ring some alarm bells, even if it’s not a sexual relationship it’s a violation of trust, respect and not being completely honest with themselves or their partner, some people would call this cheating.

I regularly see women who have been cheated on. It has come as a complete shock with no immediate signs that there was ever any indication that the relationship was in trouble and these are the women who hurt the most. A happy marriage, happy family and in an instant their lives and the lives of their families are torn apart.

“I was steeped in denial, but my body knew” Suzanne Finnamore

Some people can’t live up to the commitment they made. Some people betray themselves, they have affairs, things start to get out of control, it is all too easy to underestimate the forces of attraction, be it lust or love, until it’s too late. It is also too easy to take what we have for granted or let ourselves be taken for granted and then to lose what we treasured the most in our lives.

The thing that is rarely considered when a relationship ends because of infidelity is the price that must be paid. Hurting deeply the very people in their lives that often mean the most to them and the damage these actions do to their souls.

Many people continue to live with regret for their indiscretions, when we betray ourselves, our values, our beliefs about who we as a person, we become like lost souls searching for something externally to fill the empty space within us that can only be healed by asking for forgiveness from those we have hurt and forgiving ourselves.

For those who have been cheated on it is an incredibly painful experience that will often take people to the depths of despair.

I wanted to share with you a very personal story by Elli Boland and how she helped herself heal the damage betrayal caused to her soul. This betrayal had transpired, unknown to her, over a period of 10 years, with a number of different women, including one of her dearest friends. I can only imagine how it would feel to be betrayed by two people you loved.

Elli

I spent most of my time alone. The pain was so intense that occasionally I felt as though I had left my body and my legs would give out. All I could do was surrender, to get really vulnerable, and to let spirit guide me through.

Then, suddenly, I got present once again. I found an aliveness and ocean of joy and peace. Clarity and freedom coexisted with sorrow, terror, panic, and deep sadness. But I was not afraid of feeling the pain anymore. I no longer cared about the good opinion of other people. I had to make choices.

  • How can I handle this in a way that is in alignment with what I believe to be true?
  • What would make me proud?
  • How do I want this story to end?
  • How can I show up for myself fully?
  • What good is coming from this?
  • What is my lesson?

I am falling out of love with my husband. I forgive him. I forgive myself. I know there is nothing wrong with me and that his choices had nothing to do with me. I know this happened for me, so I could let my soul dangle. It broke me open. I feel more alive and connected than ever.

You will find Elli’s story in more detail here:

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-14021/how-i-found-peace-after-being-cheated-on-ending-my-marriage.html

With love and gratitude

Jenny xx

Jenny Smith is a highly skilled coach and facilitator with a passion for helping women gain control of all aspects of the separation and divorce journey. She has created a bespoke program for her clients and works closely with them each step of the way, including providing 24/7 access to her phone to address issues in the moment rather than allowing them to build into something bigger than they need to be.

This ensures her clients feel positive and remain focused on achieving the best possible outcomes so they can begin to create their new future in the shortest period of time. It is key to every decision and every choice her clients make that they are aligned mind, body and spirit, resolving any emotional issues that may be affecting them, alleviate stress, ensuring they know how to feel calm and resourceful in all situations.  Change can be easy, if you know how.

After four years of extensive training in Australia with some of the most highly acclaimed trainers in the field of NLP, including James Tsakalos, 5 years online training with Michael Breen, Britain’s foremost business and NLP Trainer, Jenny has earned certification as an NLP Master Practitioner a powerful and versatile set of tools both for communicating effectively and for facilitating behavioural and psychological change.

www.divorcedwomensclub.com.au

WHAT’S GOING ON INSIDE YOUR HEAD?

What’s Going on Inside Your Head?

My guess is that you are already aware that our minds are really, really active, you know that, ‘monkey chatter’ that is constantly going on and on inside our heads.

It has been recorded that we have between 40-60 thousand thoughts a day!

95% are the same from day to day.

80% are automatic negative thoughts.

Just thinking about that is in itself enough to ‘blow our minds.’

How they work out those numbers I have no idea.   What I do know is that each one of those thoughts is always influencing your perception of reality, your experience of life and will be having an impact on your body in some way.  How you are feeling in the moment and where in your body you are feeling it.

Now what really interests me and one of the biggest challenges my clients seem to face is that we are only consciously aware of a handful of these thoughts when in fact we are self suggesting all the time.

 What do I mean by ‘self-suggesting?’

These thoughts we are having, our internal dialogue and the images we are making about these thoughts are shifting and shaping our reality.

Now consider this, every single word we say to ourselves, every single word that comes out of our mouths, every single thought that we think is a suggestion to ourselves.

Just knowing this is huge!  Creating more and more awareness of how you are talking to yourself is key to making huge changes in how you see the world around you and how you experience life.

Even as you make simple changes you will begin to notice a huge difference in how you respond to the world around you.  Once I became aware of the power and control of my internal dialogue and I changed my internal dialogue every time I became aware of what was going on, my world really changed in a powerful and positive way.

 Let’s call this a little ‘thought’ experiment.

I would like to invite you to do this and just notice for yourself what’s different.  In the way you feel, the way you think about yourself and the way you think about what is possible for you and for your life.

Grab yourself a notebook or a journal and begin to jot down the thoughts you are having that really just make you feel crappy.  And straight away turn that thought around to one that flips it on its head and notice how this new thought makes you feel.

Try these ones to get you started.   And say them out loud!

My life is an emotional roller coaster

My life is a journey

How could I be so stupid and do a thing like that?

What could I have done differently in that situation?

What an idiot I am to fall for a guy like him, what is wrong with me?

 I am so glad I got to experience that relationship, I’m really clear now about what I really want!

I can guarantee that when you do this you on a regular basis it will open up your mind to notice new opportunities and possibilities.

You are already choosing to think about what is going on in your world in a certain way, so test out what happens when you choose to think differently

What you choose to think is always totally up to you!

“THINKING MAKES A WONDERFUL SERVANT AND A TERRIBLE MASTER”

What steps are you prepared to take to become the master of your thoughts?

Your thoughts, comments, personal story or suggestions are important to me.

With love and gratitude

Jenny xx

If you are struggling to know what to do and who to talk to following your breakup, follow this link to schedule a time to chat with Jenny https://Divorcedwomensclub.as.me/

 

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BREAKING FREE

BREAKING FREE

Many women who have been in an unhappy, unfulfilling or even an abusive relationship of some kind, find it really difficult to get out and get on with living a more fulfilling life.

For some it can take many years to get over the end of a relationship, lives put on hold as they hang on to the past and what might have been.

I understand that this can be a very individual and complex topic and I have no intention of digging deep into this in this blog but I do have some things I want to share with you.

If you still find yourself questioning the end of your relationship after a fairly long period of time you may be spending a fair amount of time beating yourself up with a whole lot of ‘what if’ questions.

You know the ones that go like this!

What if I had been more attentive, more attractive, more loving?

What if I was slimmer, smarter, sexier?

What if I made more effort in the bedroom?

And on and on the list goes in an ever-spiraling loop of negative self-talk and beating yourself up as you create anxiety, stress, guilt, remorse and for some, long periods of depression.

Any relationship ends for a number of reason and sometimes it’s just not about you!  If you have spent far too long living in the past and find yourself struggling to move forward and create a fabulous new life for yourself this may be helpful.

How do to break this cycle? 

I’m about to share with you a technique that has proved very powerful for many women to free themselves from their attachment to their partner and allowed them to begin creating a better life for themselves a whole lot faster.

This technique is called ‘The Threshold Technique’ created by NLP guru Richard Bandler.

Part of the power of this technique comes from the speed at which you run it.  It is important to take the time to read it through properly before you start.  If you have to stop to figure out the next step you will lose momentum.

Decide now whether you are ready for a radical change in your feelings and read it through carefully before you begin.

  1. Call to mind a picture of yourself with your ex when you were in love.  Look at it as though it was a photograph and notice how strongly it affects you now.  Then just imagine putting it to one side so you can check it again in a moment.
  2. Next call to mind four negative experiences with your ex-partner where you felt very definitely upset, or repulsed by them.  Perhaps you will think of times when they did something that really offended you or did something that you found hurtful.  Make a list of them so you can easily call them to mind.
  3. Now fully return to those four negative memories one at a time in detail as though you were inside each of them re-enacting the moment.  See the things you saw, hear the things you heard and feel completely the negative feelings you felt all over again like you are actually there.
  4. Go through the memories again and again, one after another, each time making the images a bit bigger, brighter and more colourful, so they become more and more intense.  Now go through them faster and faster, until the events are overlapping, until there is no break at all between all the worst parts happening over and over again.
  5. When you have generated a really strong negative feeling throughout your body, look at that picture of yourself when you were in love with your ex, and notice how differently you feel now.
  6. Finally imagine stepping out of all the memories and imagine all the pictures and feelings to do with you ex floating away from you and going off into the far distant past.

Many people only need to do this technique once to feel totally free of their attachment to their old relationship.  If you want to, you can do it again carefully and thoroughly in order to reinforce the effect.

I would love to know how your feelings have changed having done this exercise, what else you have noticed and perhaps think about some other people in your life where you might like to apply this same technique  🙂

Your thoughts, comments, personal story or suggestions are important to me.

With love and gratitude

Jenny xx

 

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