INFORMATION & RESOURCES
HELPING YOUR CHILDREN THROUGH DIVORCE
BREAKING THE NEWS TO YOUR CHILDREN
How will you tell the children? It won’t be easy but they do need to know. If it is possible sit down with your partner and tell the children together, having agreed what you will say. Extreme care and sensitivity are required. Children are better equipped to cope with divorce if they are involved in the process from the start. Julie Levine, a therapist and counsellor says, “What earths children is what they know. What they don’t know they fantasize about. Don’t try to ‘ease them in slowly’, because they will feel cheated. Instead, be honest. Tell them that you are getting divorced and tell them why. If you do not love one another, tell them so. If you have a new partner, tell them this. Make it very clear that nobody is to blame.
How will they react? This is difficult to call, because every child is different. It will also depend upon the strength of the child’s relationship with each parent beforehand. If worst comes to worst and the child tries to alienate you, don’t give up. Keep talking to them as they go through the various stages of acceptance.”
As a parent I know that a child who feels sale and secure will thrive. Children involved in marital breakdown will probably have heard their parents argue. They will be scared when their parents quarrel and terrified if they fight. Their parents are their only security. Children don’t think like adults the need to know also that what’s happening around them is not their fault and that even though they will soon have two homes it will be with their parents who love them very much.
With older children there is sometimes a tendency to treat them as adults and to lean on them, letting them bear more of the brunt of the divorce than is good for them. Don’t do it, however much they want to play this role. I have seen situations where children as they get older long for their stolen childhood. How you present the new scenario to your children is vital to their future wellbeing.
RESOURCES FOR PARENTS
For most parents contemplating separation, going through a divorce or divorced their children are their primary concern.
There are wonderful resources available to help you, here are my recommendations.
OUR CHILDREN AUSTRALIA
If communication with your partner is difficult and/or confrontational there are other resources available to help you avoid this.
In Australia ‘Our Children Australia’ has been created to provide assistance with co-parenting issues. Do some research and find out if there are similar resources where you live.
The Our Children Australia Communication Portal has 6 key features that will foster more effective and accurate shared parenting decisions.
Inside the portal you will find:
1. A Calendar
2. A communication wall
3. An information bank
4. An email inbox
5. A financial table
6. The ability to upload and store copies of documents
The aim of the portal is to help families going through separation and divorce to communicate, store and organise their co parenting relationship in a neutral space, which is available to each parent 24/7.
If you would like to find out more visit https://www.ourchildren.com.au/communicationportal
HOW DO I TELL THE KIDS ABOUT DIVORCE,
A CREATE A STORYBOOK GUIDE TO PREPARING YOUR CHILDREN WITH LOVE
THE CO-PARENTING HELP YOU NEED AVAILABLE IN THIS COACHING PROGRAM
PARENTING BEYOND DIVORCE
